My New Toy

Good evening! A very quick post today from me, I just wanted to show you my new toy!

Yesterday I was in London, and after a bit of perusing found myself at the Photographers' Gallery.

After looking at some inspiring photographs from recent graduates across the country, I headed on down to the basement level to look at books and prints.

When I got down there, I went all gooey-eyed over the cabinets and shelves full of different analogue cameras; instaxes, polaroids, toy cameras from lomography... I was highly tempted to purchase a reduced Sprocket Rocket, but it's price was still beyond my budget. I squealed with joy over Hello Kitty themed instaxes that would be perfect for my fujifilm, and had to calm myself a little, then adored rolls of 35mm films with special filters/colour casts.
When I go shopping for analogue cameras, I am not like the buyer I usually am with digital SLRs. When I went browsing for a full-frame camera, I had to consider the quality of image the camera would give me, the way it handled, how easily I could control it, looking for a 'life partner' in photography to be my companion,haha!
With toy cameras and analogue cameras? I really don't give two hoots over supreme image quality. I follow my heart with what I would enjoy taking fun photographs with, outside of my commercial/fashion editorial endeavours. I look forward to playing with different types of film and seeing the results the camera gives me. If I love it, I take it on shoots with me.

So this little camera caught my eye from the other side of a panel of glass. It is a kitten face camera, 35mm. Without a doubt in my mind, I am sure the photo quality isn't going to be amazing, but my heart was captured. This camera has a cat face, and it will meow when I take a photograph! It comes sealed in it's own tin can, like cat food. Who can say no to this?! I am incredibly tempted to bring this camera on every shoot I do, just to have its quirky presence stowed away in my bag, ready to come out and play whenever the opportunity strikes!

I will be testing this camera over the next few weeks and will find some time to post a little review on how I get on with it. I know I could just google and find out how this camera performs, but packaged it it's can, it feels like a surprise for me to open!

-Emily x

It's okay

If anyone has the misfortune to be much like myself, you will know how frustrating it can be when your mind throws out road-blocks.
I can sit for hours on end with Artists' block, sometimes to a point where I think' Well what is the point in photographing this idea when someone has already done it?'. Other times, I just don't know where I am going and get so tangled up in a million different thoughts, that I find myself completely oppressed.

I feel what was holding me back from taking self-portraits for a while was simply my fear of my work not pleasing anyone, for throwing it out there and not getting any feedback because no-one really liked it that much. I realise it is so easy for an artist to get caught up in the loop of worrying about what people think of their work/style, that you forget about what pleases you. I keep having to remind myself, that I am the person who lives with my photos, who sees them every day and has the responsibility to make them better and more enjoyable to view, and for that reason I really need to put my feelings first every time. You can never be a good artist if you are not doing what makes your heart sing and makes you want to keep photographing.

I am hoping that this will be a public pledge to myself to always photograph what I enjoy, and not worry about how many comments it does/doesn't receive. If it doesn't get published, should I worry? Not at all. The planning and the actual shooting of the image is what I live for, getting published or hired for what I live for is that additional blessing, and hopefully one day my full-time career. I feel like it can be so precarious to compare yourself to others fortunes, and you really shouldn't. You are no better or less than an artist who has been awarded or recognised. Your time will come as long as you are always enjoying what you do, and the world will see that. As an artist, your work is dependant upon your happiness with what you are doing, and sometimes it is okay not to be okay, as long as you promise yourself to keep doing what is right for you.

Self Portraiture: You win some, you lose some.

That is the phrase running through my head this evening, and this past week, when I have tried to force myself to go out and take photographs aimlessly when I do not really feel ready in my heart to.

 Although a blessing really, my Achilles heel is that the best photographs I take seem to be the ones which I don't put strenuous amounts of thought into. How incredibly annoying that is!  Of course, I think about what I am going to do when I go out and photograph, but on some occasions, I have noticed that when I try -too- hard to create an image, it just won't come easy, and it will get forever more frustrating.
I feel from my experience that when you go out photographing solo, you need to have some sort of serene mind-set or calm pace in order to achieve some wonderful imagery. My favourite self-portraits are the ones where the ideas just came to me in my sleep, and I knew exactly how I wanted the image to feel and more or less how I wanted it to look, then when I felt ready, I would go out and shoot it and feel completely relaxed and peaceful, and a real buzz from doing it.

When I take some of my worst self portraits, including my new image below, It's the cause of  trying too hard to convey a feeling when I am perhaps too overwhelmed by too many outlets of inspiration, OR I am just too run down, when I should be resting, and then end up photographing for the sake of photographing.

Today, I feel I have learned at last that only the best images occur, when you just  let the feel of the image and concept breathe and flow, and speak for itself, without too much  intervention from over-thinking or from just not feeling like you are in the right mindset. It's all about pacing it right.

 I find a photographer like myself needs to feel completely fluid in their emotions at the time of shooting in order for that to happen. A shoot will always go wrong if the heart isn't in it, or  feeling overwhelmed, because it will leak onto that photographic canvas, and some times, it really shows after.

But hey, that's okay though, because it is simply the other side of the coin to creating images where everything just falls into place and comes naturally! If everything came easy, it wouldn't be worth having, and there'd be no sense of accomplishment from that!

So in short. Today I took terrible photos of myself, when I really wasn't ready, but funnily, I'm okay with it, because I will take better photos another day, sooner than later, when my heart and shutter finger are ready to!
Emily xo

February 2012- Vintage Wedding Fair

 I apologise for my lack of blogging; I recently had a hand-in at uni which consumed all my time in the run-up to hand in! I am now enjoying the latter half of my two week respite, so am taking the time to update you on a few of my ventures!

Last month, I was asked to document the Norwich Curious Vintage Wedding Fair (if you are a London birdie, it will be on again in London March 31st! Be There!). As a few people may know, I am a complete fan girl as it were, for all things around vintage fashion and accessories, and I felt it would be a fantastic opportunity to mingle, meet a bunch of wonderful people and snap away in the process!

I chose to document the event in both film and digital. I can't explain why, but when it comes to documenting people and places, which I don't do often do, I just feel like it really has to be on film. My favourite combination is my Canon 300 with Kodak Color Plus 200 35mm film. I just love the colours, the subtle grain, combined with the soft focus created by a wide-aperture lens. Naturally, being at a vintage fair, the old school way seemed very fitting!

Here are a few of the best shots from the day, including some digital shots of the fashion show!

(All Photographs Copyright Emily Jane Morgan, All Rights Reserved)

 

When I looked outside of my bedroom window yesterday morning, and saw a modest amount of snow had lain, half of me thought 'yayyy snow photos!' and the other half thought 'oh god, I can't get out of the village and photograph anywhere.'. I think snow is the one and only time I loathe living in a quiet little village out in the countryside. I would LOVE to shoot at some of the parks and gorgeous woodland in the snow, but it is the issue of accessibility when there is ice on very small,winding roads. Just because I don't care very much for the scenery in my village, which at this time of the year is usually mud upon mud, it didn't mean I was going to pass up the annual snow self-portrait shoot,haha!
I traipsed onto the common-land, and walked for about 30 minutes before I found some trees I could nestle by. I saw the most wonderful spot, but it is unfortunately in full view of somebody's kitchen window, so I wanted to make sure I was out of the way and not bothering anyone or making a spectacle of myself!
There is something very calming about snow. Although I hated that I could not get to the most wonderful location I could think of, I loved that it stopped traffic. Everything was so silent and peaceful, which is how I like to shoot my selfies. I am not sure if I like this location anymore, to photograph at, but it is just lovely to take a walk across, and look over the bridge and see the sheep all cuddled up together (aww!).

So these are the photos I took and processed. I apologise for looking to raggedy. I have an ear infection, and it's left me feeling groggy,haha! Taking photos did take my mind off of it, which made me happy!

My Panda Hat

Nothing keeps me warm and happy in the winter quite like my panda hat. I wear it almost every day around this time of year, and I am quite emotionally attached to it, in all it's sparkly, sequined glory!
 I get compliments, I get the occasional funny look, but it seems to make a lot of people smile. I like that more than anything about this woolly wonder. Who knew one small item of clothing could brighten up someone's day? I really do hope I never lose this hat, and although I cannot wait for the spring time, I am going to miss wearing  my panda!

I am so sorry that it has been so long!

I really really do need to update here more often, but sometimes, I just don't find the time! I am back at Uni and am getting wrapped up in Uni life, working around the clock on my brief. I feel a little shut away from the rest of the world, and it is maddening.
On a plus note, my brief at Uni has made me try more things, which I am now going to share with you in separate posts now.
I am really sorry again for my absence, but I hope you enjoy the photos!

I'm going to be away for a week

I forgot to mention last night that I am going away to the coast for a week. I am taking my camera armed with a laptop and photoshop elements. Idk how good my internet will be to upload photos especially large ones, but I will try to keep you updated as much as I can!
<3

I love photographing at the beach.

I am still getting over all the different ailments that came my way the last couple of months. I am just dying to shoot with my clients and friends again!
I must thank you guys who have been sending me kind messages, and despite my slight lack of inactivity, are still there for me and viewing my work.
I wish I could reply to the comments I receive on here, but every time I try to, I get logged out and can't post! It's annoying, and I'm really sorry! I promise I am not ignoring you, and I appreciate all the support and wonderful comments that I have received! So thankyou so much :)

I am hoping that I can shoot again later this week, a selfie that is, or a photo with Scott. It is our 4 years anniversary on Friday. I can't believe how fast time has flown! If he doesn't mind I want to take a photo of us together and print/frame it as my gift for him :)

Update on my health

I have had some lovely well-wishers the last couple of weeks as well as those who have expressed their concern for me, which did actually bring a tear to my eye when I read their messages!
I have realised I have been a little vague and cryptic about my being under the weather, and just wanted to update you on what's been going on with me!

I have been suffering from a mixture of illness; when I get ill, I typicallyget everything at once! I think I did not fully recover from my flu and chest infection back in February, and I think the tiredness has caught up with me. Some of you may know that I suffer from M.E and have had it for 5 years now, and I am now mostly adapted to managing it. However, I have been suffering from mild anxiety for a while and over the last three months, I have had increasingly bad back pain (which I have had a history of) which has led to some incredibly annnoying symptoms such as dizziness and nausea. Essentially, I have been too tired and in too much pain to be able to shoot, or even get out of the house often in the last couple of weeks, and so I am taking my time to rest up. Please don't worry about me, as after just one session of physiotherapy today, I am already beginning to feel slightly better! As for the anxiety, that is mostly caused by my constant hunger to work and shoot and get better, and become a great photographer- that will pass in time,as I am a silly little thing!

I am really excited to plan shoots with new people and new faces. I am finally making  habit of sketching ideas and this is helping me get inspired and organised for when I am back out shooting! At least my body chose a time to need rest when the weather is a bit too dismal to shoot in! Fingers crossed for sunny weather and photo days!

The Rehydration Period

The last few weeks have been a bit of an emotional struggle with regards to my work. There used to be a time where I would photograph to please myself first and foremost, and felt so excited by every image I took and couldn't wait to show everyone, and felt the joy of discovering that it pleased other people too.
These days, I am full to the brim with self-doubt. At University, I keep being compared to previous students for both good and bad reasons. I fear my tutors do not see me improving any further than the standard I am at already, they ask me 'where can you go from here, how much more can you improve?'. They don't seem to have any suggestions, leaving me racking my brain for the answers and I am so,so frightened that I will be one of these previous students they talk about who barely improve whilst many of the other students' development accelerates. I am not looking at this situation in a competitive manner. I just want to better myself for myself, and those who love my work. Not anybody else. The thing is, the fact that I fear people doubt me makes me doubt myself. How can I improve if all I am filled with is this constant self-doubt? I find myself over-evaluating compositions and questioning why I want to photograph what I am shooting.
I am fluctuating between liking my work, then resenting it and right now I don't know what to do but only shoot,shoot,shoot and shoot some more until I finally unlock the potential to acheive the photographs and images that I dream of every night that flicker in my mind in the blink of an eye.
For what it's worth, I will do everything in my power to be the photographer I want to grow into. I just needed you guys and dolls to know what I am feeling right now.

At the moment I am dying to travel. I am going to Holland in a matter of weeks and staying with a friend which will be a much needed break.
Before now, I have barely travelled because of my M.E and because I have had no reason to. However, I am controlling my illness much better, and there are people dotted all over the place who would like to work with me! It is really flattering.
I wish I could travel to America or even up north to the beautiful hilly landscapes of Yorkshire. I am also keen to work in London. The problem is the expenses, and if I begin to travel a lot, when and where will I feel settled? I would have to become a snail and carry my home on my back!
It's a scary but exciting thought all at the same time. The fact that I am now ready to travel is a major leap from where I was this time last year, barely being able to crawl out of bed. I think I need to take more time to savour that acheivement.