It's okay

If anyone has the misfortune to be much like myself, you will know how frustrating it can be when your mind throws out road-blocks.
I can sit for hours on end with Artists' block, sometimes to a point where I think' Well what is the point in photographing this idea when someone has already done it?'. Other times, I just don't know where I am going and get so tangled up in a million different thoughts, that I find myself completely oppressed.

I feel what was holding me back from taking self-portraits for a while was simply my fear of my work not pleasing anyone, for throwing it out there and not getting any feedback because no-one really liked it that much. I realise it is so easy for an artist to get caught up in the loop of worrying about what people think of their work/style, that you forget about what pleases you. I keep having to remind myself, that I am the person who lives with my photos, who sees them every day and has the responsibility to make them better and more enjoyable to view, and for that reason I really need to put my feelings first every time. You can never be a good artist if you are not doing what makes your heart sing and makes you want to keep photographing.

I am hoping that this will be a public pledge to myself to always photograph what I enjoy, and not worry about how many comments it does/doesn't receive. If it doesn't get published, should I worry? Not at all. The planning and the actual shooting of the image is what I live for, getting published or hired for what I live for is that additional blessing, and hopefully one day my full-time career. I feel like it can be so precarious to compare yourself to others fortunes, and you really shouldn't. You are no better or less than an artist who has been awarded or recognised. Your time will come as long as you are always enjoying what you do, and the world will see that. As an artist, your work is dependant upon your happiness with what you are doing, and sometimes it is okay not to be okay, as long as you promise yourself to keep doing what is right for you.

Publication: White Paint Issue # 5

I love the White Paint team, especially the quality of magazine they produce! After shooting an editorial for them, back in January for Issue #4, I couldn't say no to submitting some cheeky little self-portraits, in celebration of their 1 year Birthday! These are my self-portraits in White Paint Issue #5 The Birthday Issue, which I photographed back in March/April, in the pouring rain (quite apt, because that always happens on my Birthday!);

and here are a couple of cheeky extras! Nothing says 'Birthday' like eccentric attire and balloons!

Self Portraiture: You win some, you lose some.

That is the phrase running through my head this evening, and this past week, when I have tried to force myself to go out and take photographs aimlessly when I do not really feel ready in my heart to.

 Although a blessing really, my Achilles heel is that the best photographs I take seem to be the ones which I don't put strenuous amounts of thought into. How incredibly annoying that is!  Of course, I think about what I am going to do when I go out and photograph, but on some occasions, I have noticed that when I try -too- hard to create an image, it just won't come easy, and it will get forever more frustrating.
I feel from my experience that when you go out photographing solo, you need to have some sort of serene mind-set or calm pace in order to achieve some wonderful imagery. My favourite self-portraits are the ones where the ideas just came to me in my sleep, and I knew exactly how I wanted the image to feel and more or less how I wanted it to look, then when I felt ready, I would go out and shoot it and feel completely relaxed and peaceful, and a real buzz from doing it.

When I take some of my worst self portraits, including my new image below, It's the cause of  trying too hard to convey a feeling when I am perhaps too overwhelmed by too many outlets of inspiration, OR I am just too run down, when I should be resting, and then end up photographing for the sake of photographing.

Today, I feel I have learned at last that only the best images occur, when you just  let the feel of the image and concept breathe and flow, and speak for itself, without too much  intervention from over-thinking or from just not feeling like you are in the right mindset. It's all about pacing it right.

 I find a photographer like myself needs to feel completely fluid in their emotions at the time of shooting in order for that to happen. A shoot will always go wrong if the heart isn't in it, or  feeling overwhelmed, because it will leak onto that photographic canvas, and some times, it really shows after.

But hey, that's okay though, because it is simply the other side of the coin to creating images where everything just falls into place and comes naturally! If everything came easy, it wouldn't be worth having, and there'd be no sense of accomplishment from that!

So in short. Today I took terrible photos of myself, when I really wasn't ready, but funnily, I'm okay with it, because I will take better photos another day, sooner than later, when my heart and shutter finger are ready to!
Emily xo

When I looked outside of my bedroom window yesterday morning, and saw a modest amount of snow had lain, half of me thought 'yayyy snow photos!' and the other half thought 'oh god, I can't get out of the village and photograph anywhere.'. I think snow is the one and only time I loathe living in a quiet little village out in the countryside. I would LOVE to shoot at some of the parks and gorgeous woodland in the snow, but it is the issue of accessibility when there is ice on very small,winding roads. Just because I don't care very much for the scenery in my village, which at this time of the year is usually mud upon mud, it didn't mean I was going to pass up the annual snow self-portrait shoot,haha!
I traipsed onto the common-land, and walked for about 30 minutes before I found some trees I could nestle by. I saw the most wonderful spot, but it is unfortunately in full view of somebody's kitchen window, so I wanted to make sure I was out of the way and not bothering anyone or making a spectacle of myself!
There is something very calming about snow. Although I hated that I could not get to the most wonderful location I could think of, I loved that it stopped traffic. Everything was so silent and peaceful, which is how I like to shoot my selfies. I am not sure if I like this location anymore, to photograph at, but it is just lovely to take a walk across, and look over the bridge and see the sheep all cuddled up together (aww!).

So these are the photos I took and processed. I apologise for looking to raggedy. I have an ear infection, and it's left me feeling groggy,haha! Taking photos did take my mind off of it, which made me happy!

My Panda Hat

Nothing keeps me warm and happy in the winter quite like my panda hat. I wear it almost every day around this time of year, and I am quite emotionally attached to it, in all it's sparkly, sequined glory!
 I get compliments, I get the occasional funny look, but it seems to make a lot of people smile. I like that more than anything about this woolly wonder. Who knew one small item of clothing could brighten up someone's day? I really do hope I never lose this hat, and although I cannot wait for the spring time, I am going to miss wearing  my panda!

December Self-portraits 2011

At last! It has felt like forever since I last took a self-portrait. I don't think my Uni tutors really like my self-portraits, they consider it a 'comfort zone', when in actual fact, I find it wayyyy harder than shooting portraits of other people! So now that my brief has been handed in for this term, I intend to photograph as much personal/commercial projects as possible!

Anyway, these self-portraits showed me I am a little out of practise, but I got to play with my new lens! I am now the proud owner of a 85mm f/1.8, which was a 21st Birthday present. It works so beautifully and is just how my 50mm was on my last DSLR, which had a cropped sensor. I cannot wait to go on a shoot with it.